No, we certainly are not. Thank you for the reminder, Abby - seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, drinker of any alcoholic liquid in sight.
So this gluten allergy thing seems to be gathering steam. Every day more people realize they have a serious physical reaction to the consumption of gluten. Although this blog was not initially conceived to be a source of uniformed medical advice, the author has included a surefire test to help you, the reader, determine if you are one of the many afflicted with a severe gluten allergy:
Question 1: After eating a sandwich on white bread, do you...
a) say to yourself, "hey, that was a pretty good sandwich on white bread."
b) wash your meal down with a cold brew
c) shit violently for thirteen hours
d) make another sandwich
An answer of "C" should be cause for mild concern... (awkward pause)... that's probably a good start at any rate.
SUMMARY OF EXPERIENCES FROM THE WEEKEND OF JIM AND NANCY'S WEDDING:
Hours driven: 16.5
Miles traveled: approx. 962
Wrong turns made: several
Species of owls observed: 4
Neckties discarded: 1
Pieces of asparagus eaten: 22
Shots of Bulleit rye consumed: too many
Showers taken: 2
Alright, alright.
"... we're bar folk."
Monday, April 27, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Well, no...
But, yeah...
It's the first new post to the Rant since the last sad, drunken entry of March 2014. And it's the start of great things!*
* - highly debatable
Three days into a new job, here are some of the phrases I've heard leave the mouths of co-workers:
"... so that's definitely going to probably happen, I think..."
"It's literally the worst thing ever!"* (referring to a minor glitch in Outlook's email signature settings)
"This is so good I'm literally going to have a heart attack..." (referring to a Farmer Brown's lunch salad)
"You can see that our office actually decreased in production last quarter. So... we need to not do that..."
Keep the wisdom coming, people! We're LITERALLY 60% of the way through the work week! You see the usage there? Is it really that difficult?
(wipes forehead)
2) traveling out of the country for the first time*
3) starting to wear Hawaiian shirts
4) getting a new pair of eye glasses after 15 years
5) beginning to pronounce the 'a' in "theatre"
6) participating in a local community beautification project
7) eating a plate of mantis shrimp **
*sorry, Canada; one sloppy night in Windsor doesn't qualify. Good times, though.
Chances that the author will finally begin posting with some regularity: ~57%
It's the first new post to the Rant since the last sad, drunken entry of March 2014. And it's the start of great things!*
* - highly debatable
Three days into a new job, here are some of the phrases I've heard leave the mouths of co-workers:
"... so that's definitely going to probably happen, I think..."
"It's literally the worst thing ever!"* (referring to a minor glitch in Outlook's email signature settings)
"This is so good I'm literally going to have a heart attack..." (referring to a Farmer Brown's lunch salad)
"You can see that our office actually decreased in production last quarter. So... we need to not do that..."
Keep the wisdom coming, people! We're LITERALLY 60% of the way through the work week! You see the usage there? Is it really that difficult?
(wipes forehead)
Significant life changes I am considering this year:
1) limiting the drinking to one night per week2) traveling out of the country for the first time*
3) starting to wear Hawaiian shirts
4) getting a new pair of eye glasses after 15 years
5) beginning to pronounce the 'a' in "theatre"
6) participating in a local community beautification project
7) eating a plate of mantis shrimp **
*sorry, Canada; one sloppy night in Windsor doesn't qualify. Good times, though.
 |
| **"Think you can handle it, buddy?" |
Chances that the author will finally begin posting with some regularity: ~57%
Thursday, March 6, 2014
FTF
Fuck the Following:
Land mines
Expired pasta sauce
Filipino women
Grease
Self-help books
Vegans
The last 75 pages of White Teeth
Shoes that come with shoelaces of inadequate length
Old Spice
Denver Broncos fans
2013
Pickle shots
Dave Matthews detractors *
Green bell peppers
The Academy Awards
Lice
- * He was good for a while, folks!
Is the Rant back?
We shall see; even I don't know anymore.
Land mines
Expired pasta sauce
Filipino women
Grease
Self-help books
Vegans
The last 75 pages of White Teeth
Shoes that come with shoelaces of inadequate length
Old Spice
Denver Broncos fans
2013
Pickle shots
Dave Matthews detractors *
Green bell peppers
The Academy Awards
Lice
- * He was good for a while, folks!
Is the Rant back?
We shall see; even I don't know anymore.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Well, Shit
Sorry, Blog. I abandoned you once again, albeit briefly. Let us not forget the 18 months that passed from October 2009 to April 2011 where I failed to write a single word. So really no need to blow the brief hiatus in February out of proportion.
That being said, here is a list of foods I wish I'd eat more of:
FOODS I WISH I'D EAT MORE OF:
1) Catfish (grilled)
2) Ice Cream (assorted flavors)
3) Bacon
4) Asparagus
5) Bacon-wrapped Asparagus
6) Cheerios
Many have asked for my take on the new Adidas Zumbaz line of NCAA uniforms. My insights are as follows:
Terrible! *
To be honest, this is more of a filler entry before St. Patrick's Day's BEST BLOG POST EVER, in which the humble author will attempt to bring his craft to new heights and deliver the finest post ever written in the prestigious history of the Rant.
Until next time...
That being said, here is a list of foods I wish I'd eat more of:
FOODS I WISH I'D EAT MORE OF:
1) Catfish (grilled)
2) Ice Cream (assorted flavors)
3) Bacon
4) Asparagus
5) Bacon-wrapped Asparagus
6) Cheerios
Many have asked for my take on the new Adidas Zumbaz line of NCAA uniforms. My insights are as follows:
Terrible! *
To be honest, this is more of a filler entry before St. Patrick's Day's BEST BLOG POST EVER, in which the humble author will attempt to bring his craft to new heights and deliver the finest post ever written in the prestigious history of the Rant.
Until next time...
 |
| * A blind Persian could do better! |
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Free-Floating Nonsense
First off, my apologies for the dreadfully inadequate nature of last weeks' posting. There is room for significant improvement yet!
Most satisfying plays to watch in football:
1. Six to 10-yard fade route, corner of the endzone
2. Kick-off return Touchdown
3. A well-executed halfback screen pass
4. Corner blitz resulting in quarterback sack
5. Successfully recovered on-side kick
6. The hook-and-ladder
Co-Worker Power Rankings, Current Week:
1. Nick Brooks (hang in there, buddy!)
2. Arleen Reynolds (flourishing entrepreneur)
3. Chris Masterson (a.k.a. Charlie Mike)
4. Clarke Raines (good guy but needs to hit the weights)
5. Lucas Gonzales (couldn't think of anyone else)
After a less than stellar Pro Bowl prediction that marred a nearly flawless post-season of prognoticating, the blog author is back with the definitive projection for Super Bowl XLVII to be played this Sunday, February 3rd...
THE SUPER BOWL:
Ravens 23
Niners 17
Don't expect things to turn out otherwise!
Superfluous facts regarding selected U.S. State Capitals:
Lincoln, NE: Formerly known as Lancaster, it received its current name as a result of Omaha's decision to re-name the city after president Abraham Lincoln. This was done in an unsuccessful attempt to sway the favor of Confederate sympathizers against moving the state capital away from Omaha. A for effort, though.
Boston, MA: The Charles River, separating the Boston capital from Charleston, was the subject of The Standell's 1966 hit single, "Dirty Water."
Harrisburg, PA: In 2010 was named the 2nd best city in which to raise a family by Forbes.*
* - blog author's reaction to the Forbes claim: Preposterous! It's Pennsylvania.
Until next time.
Most satisfying plays to watch in football:
1. Six to 10-yard fade route, corner of the endzone
2. Kick-off return Touchdown
3. A well-executed halfback screen pass
4. Corner blitz resulting in quarterback sack
5. Successfully recovered on-side kick
6. The hook-and-ladder
Co-Worker Power Rankings, Current Week:
1. Nick Brooks (hang in there, buddy!)
2. Arleen Reynolds (flourishing entrepreneur)
3. Chris Masterson (a.k.a. Charlie Mike)
4. Clarke Raines (good guy but needs to hit the weights)
5. Lucas Gonzales (couldn't think of anyone else)
After a less than stellar Pro Bowl prediction that marred a nearly flawless post-season of prognoticating, the blog author is back with the definitive projection for Super Bowl XLVII to be played this Sunday, February 3rd...
THE SUPER BOWL:
Ravens 23
Niners 17
Don't expect things to turn out otherwise!
Superfluous facts regarding selected U.S. State Capitals:
Lincoln, NE: Formerly known as Lancaster, it received its current name as a result of Omaha's decision to re-name the city after president Abraham Lincoln. This was done in an unsuccessful attempt to sway the favor of Confederate sympathizers against moving the state capital away from Omaha. A for effort, though.
Boston, MA: The Charles River, separating the Boston capital from Charleston, was the subject of The Standell's 1966 hit single, "Dirty Water."
Harrisburg, PA: In 2010 was named the 2nd best city in which to raise a family by Forbes.*
* - blog author's reaction to the Forbes claim: Preposterous! It's Pennsylvania.
Until next time.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
UNTITLED
Alright, the "let's try and not get too drunk in January" idea hasn't been implemented as flawlessly as originally intended, but we're still working on it!
January 10: Sober
January 11: Drunk
January 12: Sober(ish) - 5 beers
January 13: Hammered
January 14: Sober
January 15: Sober
January 16: Sober
January 17: Sober
January 18: Drunk
January 19: Drunk
January 20: Drunk
January 21: Buzzed (5-6 beers over course of day)
January 22: Sober (dry)
January 23: Sober (1 glass of wine)
Will power is being invoked.
Now a belated attempt to cover something topical and relevant:
Musings on Martin Luther King:
You know, he was a good guy. A really good guy.
Now, a list of songs I wish I didn't like so much:
Higher Love - Steve Winwood
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
In the House of Stone and Light - Martin Paige
Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band
Finally, for no logical reason whatsoever, here is a picture of a goblin shark:
Wait, one more thing: NFL Pro Bowl Prediction:
AFC 45, NFC 42 *
* but honestly, is there anyone who still cares?
January 10: Sober
January 11: Drunk
January 12: Sober(ish) - 5 beers
January 13: Hammered
January 14: Sober
January 15: Sober
January 16: Sober
January 17: Sober
January 18: Drunk
January 19: Drunk
January 20: Drunk
January 21: Buzzed (5-6 beers over course of day)
January 22: Sober (dry)
January 23: Sober (1 glass of wine)
Will power is being invoked.
Now a belated attempt to cover something topical and relevant:
Musings on Martin Luther King:
You know, he was a good guy. A really good guy.
Now, a list of songs I wish I didn't like so much:
Higher Love - Steve Winwood
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
In the House of Stone and Light - Martin Paige
Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band
Finally, for no logical reason whatsoever, here is a picture of a goblin shark:
 |
| What were you thinking, God? |
Wait, one more thing: NFL Pro Bowl Prediction:
AFC 45, NFC 42 *
* but honestly, is there anyone who still cares?
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS BLOG AGAIN?
No!
New goal for 2013 The Year of Our Lord: Stay sober as often as possible!
A strange goal for an Irishman in his late 20's, to be sure. But the health-related and financial benefits are too sweet to ignore. Here's how we've done so far:
January 1: Hammered (>10 beers)
January 2: Sober (dry)
January 3: Sober (dry)
January 4: Sober (2 beers)
January 5: Sober (dry)
January 6: Sober (dry)
January 7: Hammered (>10 beers, shot of Crown)
January 8: Sober (dry)
January 9: Sober (current as of 3:58 PM CT)
CO-WORKER POWER RANKINGS (Installment the Fourth):
1) Arleen Reynolds (plays ukulele and has been known to cliff dive in the past)
2) Nick Brooks (shows promise as a racially-charged yet charasmatic stand-up comic)
3) Adam Styer (just turned 29)
4) Tina Hatch (once drop-kicked Art Garfunkel in the neck)
5) Lucas Gonzales (attended Bible College, 2007-2008; displays impressive upper-body strength)
NFL Divisional Round Playoff Predictions:
Patriots - Texans: Pats, 34-17
Broncos - Ravens: Ravens, 27-23 *
49ers - Packers: Niners, 24-21
Falcons - Seahawks: Falcons, 27-14
* - upset pick with Baltimore winning on the road at Mile High
Finally, a new feature...
NBA January Update:
Who the hell cares?
New goal for 2013 The Year of Our Lord: Stay sober as often as possible!
A strange goal for an Irishman in his late 20's, to be sure. But the health-related and financial benefits are too sweet to ignore. Here's how we've done so far:
January 1: Hammered (>10 beers)
January 2: Sober (dry)
January 3: Sober (dry)
January 4: Sober (2 beers)
January 5: Sober (dry)
January 6: Sober (dry)
January 7: Hammered (>10 beers, shot of Crown)
January 8: Sober (dry)
January 9: Sober (current as of 3:58 PM CT)
CO-WORKER POWER RANKINGS (Installment the Fourth):
1) Arleen Reynolds (plays ukulele and has been known to cliff dive in the past)
2) Nick Brooks (shows promise as a racially-charged yet charasmatic stand-up comic)
3) Adam Styer (just turned 29)
4) Tina Hatch (once drop-kicked Art Garfunkel in the neck)
5) Lucas Gonzales (attended Bible College, 2007-2008; displays impressive upper-body strength)
NFL Divisional Round Playoff Predictions:
Patriots - Texans: Pats, 34-17
Broncos - Ravens: Ravens, 27-23 *
49ers - Packers: Niners, 24-21
Falcons - Seahawks: Falcons, 27-14
* - upset pick with Baltimore winning on the road at Mile High
Finally, a new feature...
NBA January Update:
Who the hell cares?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)