I will start this post by rating the following stand-up comedians I've seen on netflix in descending order of how funny they were:

1) Ron White... I feel like this guy is a cartoon character brought to life. If I could pick one person to smoke a cigar with, he'd be it.

2) Zach Galifianakis... yes, I spelled it right. Very funny piano-playing homeless-looking guy.

3) Doug Stanhope... for all his anger, bitterness, and general bigotry, he's actually insightful and funny as hell.

4) Gilbert Gottfried... saved himself with a 9-minute version of the Aristocrats joke to end his performance.

5) Joe Rogan... after about 15 minutes I went to make some Bagel Bites and forgot I was watching him, but I remember him being okay.

6) Daniel Tosh... self-absorbed, elitist prick who is about 1/10 as funny as he thinks he is.

7) Jaime Kennedy... please don't ever perform again.

AND NOW FOR A NEW SEGMENT ON THIS BLOG:

PREDICTIONS FOR THE FUTURE!!!

2012: NBC will finally realize its mistake in giving Conan O'Brien's old spot to Jimmy Fallon, and decide to replace him... with Sylvester Stallone.

2091: The Los Angeles Clippers will finally win an NBA Championship, with the help of the newly-unfrozen Lebron James.

2124: The first robot will be elected President.

2273: Mildly retarded aliens will land on Earth and ask for directions to Pluto.

2525: People will still unanimously agree that Zager and Evans are just awful.

You know what would make dog parks a lot more sanitary? Dog colostomy bags.

Well this wasn't very funny. We'll try it again some other time.