UCLA must feel like shit.

There are only five days until my second of three trips to South Bend, this one to see the Irish take on those tools from Boston College, and another entry is needed. The faithful readers of this blog- both of them- probably wonder, how, after all the entertaining and outrageous posts to this point, could I do something to get people excited about the blog again? How could I possibly top myself? Well, I’ve done it. Here for the first time ever on Magnolia’s Rant are Bill’s Original Food Recipes.

BILL’S ORIGINAL FOOD RECIPES:

Rice Krispios: take ¾ cup of Rice Krispies and ¾ cup Cheerios and mix them in a bowl. Add milk (preferably 1 percent) and enjoy.

English muffin pizzas: heat an English muffin in the toaster until golden in color. Spread pizza or spaghetti sauce on the surface and top with Mozarella cheese. Place in pre-heated oven at 375 degrees until cheese is melted.

Fried winter chips: these are really just Smiley Fries covered with vanilla frosting. They are horrible for you but taste very good and are not harmful when consumed in small portions.

Jell-O omelet: this is just what it sounds like, an omelet with Jell-O in it (strawberry preferred; raspberry permitted; orange and cherry strongly discouraged). I haven’t tried this one yet but I thought of it once when I was high and I don’t see how it can miss.

I can’t decide whether or not I like Sarah Silverman.