Here’s another entry…

World Series update #2:

Way to go, Rockies. This group of .220 hitters showed just how pathetic the National League really is. Another great run for the Sox, though. Special congratulations to the following:
Mike Lowell: an MVP performance (.400 average, 6 runs and 4 RBI)
Jon Papelbon: clutch pitching in the two 1-run wins, including Game 4
Josh Beckett: another great outing as the number-one starter
Jacoby Ellsbury: hit .438 and won everyone in America free diarrhea
Dustin Pedroia: led off Game 1 with a homer and played very solid defense

Red Sox 4; Rockies 0

Part of me wishes Vanessa Carlton was as hot as she sounds.
Ahem.

Three comedians I really like:
George Carlin; Dennis Miller; Lewis Black

Three comedians I really don’t like:
Carlos Mencia; Margaret Cho; Roseanne

Finally, a new segment on the Rant: The Douche Bag of the Week Award. This distinction will be awarded to an individual who has demonstrated foolish, obnoxious, or otherwise unfortunate qualities over the past seven days to the extent that he or she can appropriately be labeled a douche bag.

This week’s winner: Tim McCarver
A color commentator whose absurd level of incompetence and long-windedness, combined with a total lack of command of the English language, make him truly painful to listen to on a nightly basis. Congratulations Tim, and good luck to next week's contestants.

Enough for now.

Some more things I’m tired of:
Old people at bars
Unemployment
“Family Guy”
That really ugly porn star who’s in all the HBO late night films
Tim McCarver
Amstel Light
Online poker
Doug Flutie
Guys whose nicknames consist of their first name initial followed by “Dog”
The Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning comparison
People who bring signs to baseball games
The “Halloween” movies
Birds

World Series update #1:

Mercifully, the Red Sox are putting to rest all of this “Rocktober” garbage along with the talk of Colorado being the team of destiny in Major League Baseball. I mean let’s keep it in perspective: they play in the National League.

Sox 2; Rockies 0

Well, that’s the update. Better than anything you’ll hear from that asshole McCarver anyway.

UCLA must feel like shit.

There are only five days until my second of three trips to South Bend, this one to see the Irish take on those tools from Boston College, and another entry is needed. The faithful readers of this blog- both of them- probably wonder, how, after all the entertaining and outrageous posts to this point, could I do something to get people excited about the blog again? How could I possibly top myself? Well, I’ve done it. Here for the first time ever on Magnolia’s Rant are Bill’s Original Food Recipes.

BILL’S ORIGINAL FOOD RECIPES:

Rice Krispios: take ¾ cup of Rice Krispies and ¾ cup Cheerios and mix them in a bowl. Add milk (preferably 1 percent) and enjoy.

English muffin pizzas: heat an English muffin in the toaster until golden in color. Spread pizza or spaghetti sauce on the surface and top with Mozarella cheese. Place in pre-heated oven at 375 degrees until cheese is melted.

Fried winter chips: these are really just Smiley Fries covered with vanilla frosting. They are horrible for you but taste very good and are not harmful when consumed in small portions.

Jell-O omelet: this is just what it sounds like, an omelet with Jell-O in it (strawberry preferred; raspberry permitted; orange and cherry strongly discouraged). I haven’t tried this one yet but I thought of it once when I was high and I don’t see how it can miss.

I can’t decide whether or not I like Sarah Silverman.