The Tube!

"Thank you, I ejaculated while I am still wearing my pants."
-anonymous YouTube reaction to Fleet Foxes' new song If You Need to, Keep Time on Me
(post clarifies the author's earlier and less coherent statement, "Thank I cum pant.")

Keep the inspired commentary coming, world!

Selected statistics of key underperforming MLB players through June 11, 2017:

Andrew McCutchen, PIT: .251 BA, .328 OBP, -0.1 WAR
Manny Machado, BAL: .213 BA, .289 OBP, .430 SLG
Kyle Schwarber, CHC: .171 BA, .677 OPS, -0.6 WAR
Miguel Cabrera, DET: .268 BA, .408 SLG, 5 HR, 28 RBI
Matt Carpenter, STL: .223 BA, .775 OPS
Johnny Cueto, SFG: 5-5 W-L, 4.33 ERA, 13 HR allowed
Jordan Zimmerman, DET: 5.72 ERA, 1.552 WHIP, 17 HR allowed

Finally, this author's hat goes off to Floramo's Restaurant in Chelsea. The Mixed Grille (a steal at $17.95) contained no less than:
a half rack of ribs
steak tips
turkey tips
grilled chicken
a giant sausage
half ear of corn on the cob

Flavor, portions, and service were all just right. Well done! We'll be seeing you again soon!

set adrift on memory bliss