The Tube!

"Thank you, I ejaculated while I am still wearing my pants."
-anonymous YouTube reaction to Fleet Foxes' new song If You Need to, Keep Time on Me
(post clarifies the author's earlier and less coherent statement, "Thank I cum pant.")

Keep the inspired commentary coming, world!

Selected statistics of key underperforming MLB players through June 11, 2017:

Andrew McCutchen, PIT: .251 BA, .328 OBP, -0.1 WAR
Manny Machado, BAL: .213 BA, .289 OBP, .430 SLG
Kyle Schwarber, CHC: .171 BA, .677 OPS, -0.6 WAR
Miguel Cabrera, DET: .268 BA, .408 SLG, 5 HR, 28 RBI
Matt Carpenter, STL: .223 BA, .775 OPS
Johnny Cueto, SFG: 5-5 W-L, 4.33 ERA, 13 HR allowed
Jordan Zimmerman, DET: 5.72 ERA, 1.552 WHIP, 17 HR allowed

Finally, this author's hat goes off to Floramo's Restaurant in Chelsea. The Mixed Grille (a steal at $17.95) contained no less than:
a half rack of ribs
steak tips
turkey tips
grilled chicken
a giant sausage
half ear of corn on the cob

Flavor, portions, and service were all just right. Well done! We'll be seeing you again soon!

set adrift on memory bliss

Renaissance

Young man, 
Young man
Your arms are too short
to box with God