Amsterdam

Churches and trains
They all look the same to me now
They shoot you some place
While we ache to come home somehow

The Tube!

"Thank you, I ejaculated while I am still wearing my pants."
-anonymous YouTube reaction to Fleet Foxes' new song If You Need to, Keep Time on Me
(post clarifies the author's earlier and less coherent statement, "Thank I cum pant.")

Keep the inspired commentary coming, world!

Selected statistics of key underperforming MLB players through June 11, 2017:

Andrew McCutchen, PIT: .251 BA, .328 OBP, -0.1 WAR
Manny Machado, BAL: .213 BA, .289 OBP, .430 SLG
Kyle Schwarber, CHC: .171 BA, .677 OPS, -0.6 WAR
Miguel Cabrera, DET: .268 BA, .408 SLG, 5 HR, 28 RBI
Matt Carpenter, STL: .223 BA, .775 OPS
Johnny Cueto, SFG: 5-5 W-L, 4.33 ERA, 13 HR allowed
Jordan Zimmerman, DET: 5.72 ERA, 1.552 WHIP, 17 HR allowed

Finally, this author's hat goes off to Floramo's Restaurant in Chelsea. The Mixed Grille (a steal at $17.95) contained no less than:
a half rack of ribs
steak tips
turkey tips
grilled chicken
a giant sausage
half ear of corn on the cob

Flavor, portions, and service were all just right. Well done! We'll be seeing you again soon!

set adrift on memory bliss

Renaissance

Young man, 
Young man
Your arms are too short
to box with God

Search for Happiness

Stuff that has appeared in my dreams as of late:
Moose in the backyard of my family's old house
Angry frat boys
Thatched roof bars in Texas
Skinny guys from the 60's dressed like spiders
A hotel room with a spinning circular bed
Violent golf tournaments
A young Elvis Costello look-alike playing Irish folk songs outside an Asian massage parlor
Eels

Day 5.

The Life and Times of a Music Legend

We all love Cat Stevens, and many of us think we know his story. But look more closely and you’ll find there’s much more to the life of this singer-songwriter than what’s visible on the surface.

For instance, he was not born Cat Stevens, but rather made the decision in 1966 to change his legally given name of Barry Dickweaver. At first the British musician went by Cat Dickweaver, but soon realized he had failed to address the problem. He changed his last name to a plural first name and his transformation was complete.

Stevens rose to fame in the 1970s with classic hits such as “Wild World,” “Morning Has Broken,” “Sussudio,” “Enter the Sandman,” “Moonshadow," and "Return of the Mack." Stevens was later a regular fixture on Total Request Live with Carson Daly for nearly a year before he realized that it just was not worth it.

In many ways a product of a tumultuous era, Stevens wrote and performed his music during a time of critical social change in the American landscape. The Vietnam War, the free love movement, widespread drug experimentation, and Bruce Jenner’s sexual identity struggle were all at the forefront of the country’s psyche. Stevens’ soothing rhythm guitar, mild vocals, and general homosexual undertones suggested a hope for a more peaceful future.

While Stevens’ popularity thrived, the conflicts inherent in the political and social shifts eventually took their toll, and during a fit of rage in late 1978, the beloved guitarist changed his name back to Barry Dickweaver. In January of the following year, following the advice of the majority of his Twitter followers, Dickweaver settled on Yusuf Islam. He then converted to the Muslim religion, thinking it would be too weird not to.

In his later years, after listening to Cheryl Crow butcher a cover of one of his finest songs, Barry Cat Yusuf Stevens Dickweaver Islam retired from music to pursue his long dormant but never forgotten passion of tantric cave dancing. He was last seen in Iceland but his current whereabouts are unknown. 

Baby, it’s a wild world.

"This Cat's on the prowl..."

A Brief Argument for Peyton Manning over Tom Brady in the Greatest Quarterback of All-Time Discussion

(Patriots fans, don’t shit yourselves; just read and take this in, you borderline-illiterate lunatics)

Beginning at the Beginning: Peyton Manning was drafted by the worst team in professional football and in three years had turned them into a perennial division champion and playoff contender.

Tom Brady inherited a playoff- and Super Bowl-caliber team and led them to several championships, which shouldn't be a surprise. They were already amazing without him. Brady was handed the keys to a Cadillac, whereas Peyton Manning was directed to a broken down Ford Explorer that hadn’t run since 1992 and had bees in the trunk.

When Manning left the Colts, the team went into complete disarray; the Patriots are 11-6 in the Bill Belichick era without Brady under center. Every quarterback who’s ever been in their system has been successful… and no one who’s left it has done anything with any other team. Manning also went to Denver after neck surgery and in 2014 and had a record-setting year with an entirely new cast of characters. 

Let’s not confuse “greatest” with “most successful.” Or rather, greatness with success in general. Trent Dilfer and Joe Flacco have Super Bowl Rings. So do Doug Williams and Jim McMahon. Are they better than Dan Marino, Dan Fouts, or Jim Kelly? (think a moment before responding.).

Brady is unquestionably the primary cog in the greatest machine ever to take the field in the National Football League. But it is the system, not the quarterback, that makes this team winners. Keep in mind, Brady was on the sidelines for the game-winning plays in three of the five championships his teams won.

Finally, regarding the Win-Loss record between Brady and Manning head-to-head: Brady won 11 games versus Manning's 6. However, after the Patriots beat the lousy Colts teams he faced in the first 6 contests, Manning actually went 6-5 over the final 11 matchups between the two QBs... including 3 AFC Championship wins. All he needed was time for his teams to mature, something Brady didn't have to ask for, and in 17 NFL seasons, never has.

That being said, Manning holds most of the significant regular season all-time passing records and is a 7-time first team All Pro (no other player at his position has earned that distinction more than 3 times, and Brady has only gotten the nod twice). He was able to identify and pick apart opposing defenses like no other quarterback in history, and in the late minutes of a close game he was untouchable.

So to anyone with space left in their heads for a rational discussion about the greatest quarterback of all-time (and stop using GOAT, Pats fans; that distinction is for Jerry Rice and you know it), here you have it.

Go Bengals

Things I'd Like to See More of:
Bernese Mountain Dogs
White NFL wide receivers
Tapas restaurants
Nightman
Silly walks
Well-made horror films
.300 seasons for Robinson Cano
Open road
Physically fit women
Kharma at work
Semicolons
Little green ghouls
Discoveries of new species of squid/octopus
Lead actor roles for Michael Shannon*
Owls
well, that's enough for a Tuesday in January

* "I saaaid... hire me."
The man can flat-out act, folks.

Outrageous Pro Bowl Snubs, Part the Second

Philip Rivers, 2008: 4009 passing yards, 34 TD, 105.5 QB rating
Led the league in passing TD and Rating, but fat dummy Brett Favre still got the nod over him

Drew Brees, 2015: 4870 passing yards, 32 TD, 11 Int
In a year where 11 quarterbacks were named to the Pro Bowl thanks to 4 replacement picks, Brees still got the shaft

DeAngelo Williams, 2008: 18 rushing TD, 20 total TD, 5.5 yards per rush
Led the league in both rushing TD and overall TD

Below are the official high and low temperatures in Boston so far this year:
January 1: 44 / 33
January 2: 41 / 28
January 3: 44 / 39
January 4: 48 / 33

Not bad at all!

Finally, here are the chorus lyrics of Pearl Jam's "Better Man," in Spanish:

Ella miente y dice que está enamorada de el,

No puede encontrar a un mejor hombre 
Ella sueña en colores, sueña en rojo, 
No puede encontrar a un mejor hombre… 
Ohhhhh…