After a break that lasted far too long, the blog that one reader called "an unbearably offensive travesty" is finally back!

For the first post in around a year and a half, I wanted to do something special. People write odes to loved ones, friends, family, even in some cases historical figures of great significance. Today I am writing an ode to a porn star. The following is devoted to Ms. Lily Thai:

ODE TO MY FAVORITE PORN STAR

You deserve our admiration for so many reasons, and I will proceed to list but a few.

Your stage name belies your actual ethnicity. Very cunning.

Your acting is fantastic; you take the art of exaggerating pleasure to the next level. We all know you're not really enjoying it that much.

You are committed to your craft. You got breast implants even though your boobs were already really big. They don't even look that different now. That's dedication.

You are from the great city of Austin. You got your start stripping at the Yellow Rose. I've never been there but I hear they have an all-you-can-eat steak and shrimp special for $4.99. Amazing. I'm guessing the quality isn't that great but as long as you don't get sick it's pretty much worth it. I'm not really sure where I was trying to go with this.

You are unselfish, once injuring yourself in an embarrassing, fairly well-documented on-screen accident. Still, you returned to work soon thereafter. You were hurt in the line of duty in your attempt to bring pleasure to others, and we love you for it.

Conclusion of the Ode.

Finally, here are my predictions for the NBA and NHL finals:

NBA: Celtics over Spurs in 7

NHL: Washington over San Jose in 6 *

* - but seriously, does anyone give a shit?